HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
