yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
