This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
