i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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