hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
