Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
