Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
no you cant smoke seaweed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
