You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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