I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
