I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
