I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
