Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He kissed a someone with a penis
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
