i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
