dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
