there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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