The brown eye won't let me do that either.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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