Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
