haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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