I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
