I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I love having hate sex.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
