I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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