It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
