Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
