cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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