if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
