oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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