Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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