There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
