You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
