Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Barsexuality is the new black.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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