That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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