my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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