apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
