I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
