Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
third nipple confirmed
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
