Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
