i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
