she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
