you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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