I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
