Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
