No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize