um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
