So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
