I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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