im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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