We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
