Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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