my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
