I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
