I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
handjob tips. give me some.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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