My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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