I wanna bring you to show and tell
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
