the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So squirting runs in the family.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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