At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
