Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
