He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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