Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When did angry sex become our thing?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
