Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
