At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
