dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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