this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
