and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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