we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
