I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
