can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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