i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
