Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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