I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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