I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
