Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
