i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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