Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
