We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
