and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
