The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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