I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just want nice things and good sex
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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