I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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