I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
