This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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