Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
